Vancouver's most expensive apartment is Batman-worthy

Coal Harbour pentouse: This bathroom is bigger than my apartment

Your bath is ready, Master Bruce.

 Checking in on the 1%

We've already found out that an apartment for under $100,000 exists in Vancouver. Well, it's surely gone by the time you read about it, but just enjoy the moment:

Let's move to the other end of the spectrum: Vancouver's most expensive apartments. I was going to revisit the city's most expensive houses, but let's mix it up a bit.

Besides, funny enough, buyers haven't snatched up last month's most expensive house in Vancouver: you'd think an epic super-villain mansion could still command a $23,800,000 asking price, but that's apparently no longer the case.

The Canadian Real Estate Association says that Greater Vancouver's residential sales are at a 12-year low, so you could probably grind the seller down to $23.5, maybe even $23 million. It's worth a try. You could spend the money you save on more henchmen. Henchpeople. Whatever.

In the meantime, let's look at the most expensive apartments our fine city has to offer.

Affordable unaffordable living

Vancouver East really disappointed me when it came to cartoonishly-expensive apartments. MLS showed me nothing-- nothing-- over $2 million. Pshh.

However, the most expensive listing still managed to surprise me: it's in The Keefer, at Keefer and Quebec in Chinatown. There are only four residential floors in this building, and we're looking at the 2300-square-foot penthouse: 2BR, 1 1/2 bath, and a private elevator (since this is a floor-through apartment).

Sunlight on three sides. No property taxes for six years. A parking spot, even. However, one suspects you'll have to provide your own giant pear.

The Keefer: BYO giant pear

You also get a private patio and a massive rooftop deck (100 square feet larger than the apartment itself), which includes a pool and a hot tub. I'd have thought this would all cost more than $1.7 million.

That said, you are looking at the shape of things to come in Chinatown, andsome longtime locals are angry about it. Indeed, with the annual income of $370,000 required to swing the mortgage, you'd be the poster-child for the rapid gentrification of the Eastern Core. Just keep that in mind as you check for soft-close drawers.

To give this place its due, The Keefer's apartments are not the cookie-cutter crap you're used to finding in new buildings. Pinky extended as you swirl your wine glass, you'd be secure in the knowledge that relatively few of your friends had a flat like yours.

Meanwhile, in Brooklyn, the same price would get you a three-unit building in Williamsburg, complete with backyard.

Old-ish World charm on the North Shore

The North Shore offers surprisingly few options above $5 million (I know, right?).

Maybe it's the photos, but this 3300-square-foot 2BR looks a bit cramped. At least we know you could fit a lot of furniture in there. Also, the whole "old-world charm" thing is tough to pull off in a city mostly built in the last 40 years: this particular building is only 15 years old.

North Shore luxury: plenty of seats

The views are amazing, though. At Bellevue and 23rd, you would have an unobstructed view of Vancouver and English Bay.

The asking price: $6.7 million, with nearly $2,500 in monthly maintenance fees. You'd be getting access to a gym and indoor pool, as well as concierge service. You're just a few minutes from the turnoff to Cypress Mountain.

To swing this North Shore pad, your household would have to be pulling in close to $1.5 million per year.

You'll find me at the Fairmont

Limiting my search to $6 million (approximately the cost of a bionic man) and up, I found only eight results in Vancouver West. I was expecting more, and I'd find them if I had expanded my search to $3 million and up. We want the priciest of the pricey, though, and dammit, we've found them.

The two most expensive apartments in Vancouver West are in the same building: the Fairmont Pacific Rim in the ghost town that is Coal Harbour.

Only one unit could claim the top spot this month, and it does so with authority. Imagine over 6,000 square feet of airy space, with a private deck larger than most patios that would allow me to sit and sip. You would have commanding views of the bay as you plot world domination.

It looks like Bruce Wayne's loft in "The Dark Knight". Check out this kitchen, which surely has those soft-close drawers:

Kitchen porn

With an asking price of $28,800,000, your mortgage payments would come to just over $167,300 per month. Oh, and there'd be a four-grand maintenance fee on top of that. So, yes, it's more expensive than the super-villain mansion.

Actually, the mortgage calculator tells me that you'd have to be a Six Million Dollar Man (or Woman) to afford this place. It comes with ensuite laundry, by the way, if that sways your decision one way or the other.

The Fairmont Pacific Rim penthouse is MLS' most expensive apartment in the city at the moment, but not the single most expensive property in town; again, we're just talking about apartments this month.

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