Kids - You're Not Good At Halloween Anymore

There's something wrong with kids these days. I know, I sound like a ranting old man at the bus stop. But, last Halloween I was so demoralized at the state of our children I began dreading what the future holds.

You see, my house could not be a better spot to hit while trick-or-treating. It's in a row of townhouses. Surrounded by more townhouses. Even a slow kid with short legs would take 13 seconds to go from one house to the next. There are 76 townhouses in the complex where I live, times 18 seconds at each door to get your candy plus 13 seconds from door to door: it would take that slow kid with short legs less than 40 minutes to hit every single house.

Now, let's take into consideration the demographics of my community: these are starter homes with either young couples, young families, or single roommates. Therefore, trick-or-treating is still a recent memory. We remember the good houses that gave out large amounts of awesome candy. 

There was a lady in my neighbourhood in Regina that filled a mixing bowl with candy and dumped it into your pillow case. That was her measurement so each kid got a fair amount. You would score at least 4 mini chocolate bars, 3 gum balls, multiple Starburst, and any number of Tootsie Rolls. Gary, Mark, and I went back every year, even though I was so hurt when she mistook my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume for a frog. If an idiotic kid ever egged her house, we would have told the entire neighbourhood he was a Stampeder fan... which would be inevitably followed by the ritual torture that curse provokes in Regina.

Our keen senses of efficiency also remembered the 'One Starburst Houses' and how much we despised them. While the eggs hurled through the air (thrown by other kids, of course), we vowed that would never be our house. 

None of my current neighbours are 'One Starburst' kind of people. 

As well, our complex is well lit and there’s almost no where for bullies to hide. If the slow kid screamed because some jerk was roughing him up for his candy, the response would be ferocious. I'm not sure which neighbour would take the most pleasure in making that bully cry. Probably Beth. 

An enterprising, hard working, thoughtful kid could garnish a huge haul in my neighbourhood. But guess how many trick-or-treaters we got last year?

Zero! Not a single intelligent child lives in New Brighton! Baffling! My wife and I debated whether we should even buy candy this year. *Shaking my head in disgust*

Maybe I’ve always been a savant when it comes to housing and demographics. Yeah, that’s it. And that’s how I just related this blog to real estate. Happy Halloween everyone.

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Tim Olynik

Tim Olynik

REALTORĀ®
CENTURY 21 Summit Realty
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